CaliToday (03/12/2025): The atmosphere at the Boring Bodega was thick with anticipation. Approximately 150 members of the "DOGE" team the task force assembled to slash federal spending and bureaucracy under the Trump administration had gathered for a reunion. Phones were sealed in security pouches; the location was locked down. They awaited their leader.
But Elon Musk never walked through the door.
Instead, the world’s richest man appeared on a video screen, broadcasting from a completely darkened room in an undisclosed location. His message was stark: due to the event’s location leaking online, he could not attend in person. Musk told the silent room that he now considers himself the "number three assassination target" in the United States, ranking directly behind President Donald Trump and Vice President J.D. Vance.
High Security and "The Bunker" Vibe
The gathering was designed to be a celebration for the staffers and their families who had weathered the intense pressure of Washington politics. Security was paramount; guests were transported by bus to the venue to prevent location tracking, and the confiscation of mobile devices suggested a high-level summit rather than a casual reunion.
Despite these measures, Musk claimed the risk was too high. This isn't the first time the Tesla CEO has alluded to fears for his safety. At a shareholder meeting last year, he famously quipped about needing to "work out more" to make himself a harder target. However, speaking from the shadows of his secret location, the tone was far less joking.
A Mix of Vision and Disappointment
For many attendees, the virtual appearance was a letdown. Families who had hoped to shake hands with the tech mogul were left watching a screen.
"Some people were quite embarrassed because the event didn't live up to expectations, especially with Musk not showing up," one attendee told Politico. The absence of the charismatic leader left the reunion feeling somewhat anti-climactic for those who had brought spouses hoping for a brush with celebrity.
From Civil War to the Kardashev Scale
In typical Musk fashion, the address was a stream-of-consciousness journey through his most preoccupation thoughts. He thanked the DOGE members for their "sacrifice," noting that many had left higher-paying jobs to face political firestorms and death threats in service of government reform.
But the speech quickly pivoted to the esoteric. Musk oscillated between dark warnings about a potential American civil war and grand futuristic concepts. He spoke at length about the Kardashev scale a method of measuring a civilization's level of technological advancement and reiterated his foundational goal: making humanity multi-planetary.
In a moment of levity that broke the tension, Musk joked about the safety of living on Mars compared to Earth. He noted that even if enemies launched missiles from Earth to the Red Planet, the travel time is so long that it wouldn't be a surprise attack.
"Six months of flight time is enough for the settlers to prepare," Musk deadpanned, drawing laughter from the room.
Unwavering Support
Despite the rambling nature of the call and his physical absence, Musk used the platform to double down on his political alliances. He reaffirmed his staunch support for the Trump-Vance administration, framing his alignment with them as the primary reason he now feels hunted.
For the DOGE team, the night ended not with a photo op, but with a reminder of the high stakes and high drama that surround their leader.